{"id":25683,"date":"2026-04-23T14:10:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-23T12:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/?post_type=stsp_text&#038;p=25683"},"modified":"2026-04-24T13:17:13","modified_gmt":"2026-04-24T11:17:13","slug":"i-waited","status":"publish","type":"stsp_text","link":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/text\/i-waited\/","title":{"rendered":"I waited"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\"><strong>I waited at the beer garden<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\">I waited at the beer garden for you to arrive, rereading Steppenwolf for the first time in 30 years, marveling that I would remember so distinctly the phrase \u201cfor madmen only\u201d after three decades. Did I fancy myself \u201cmad\u201d back then, out on my own for the first time, sleeping in a friend\u2019s basement until I found a job, fishing for change in phone booths and cigarette machines? I have been a scavenger. Each meal a conjuring act to fuel my body. The madness of youth within me now is as time-worn as the book\u2019s yellowed pages between my fingers, older than the chestnut trees arching their prickly fruits over me. I only need look at the sparrows, flitting from table to table, delighting in the scraps that others have dropped without even noticing, to remember what it was like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\"><strong>I waited for my heart to stop<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\">I waited for my heart to stop slamming the doors to its chambers, frantic between my lungs, which could not take in enough air to sustain me, the panic and dread hovering like twin anvils above my head as I lay on my bed. I could not get enough to drink, my hands careful to grip the glass with just enough pressure to hold on but not enough to shatter it. All pressure is like this, finding the balance of forces from within and without, the heart a mighty combatant, its muscle tempered like steel under the heat of daily scuffles, all the minor conflicts it faces, preparing for the moment when it will have to prove its worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\"><strong>I waited for the beat to kick in<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\">I waited for the beat to kick in, but my daughter told me that because the song started with a piano it never would. At the age of four, she already knew more about music and the world than I did. For Chrissakes, I even needed her to point out that I could spot the girl cartoon animals by the fact that they had eyelashes and the boy animals didn\u2019t. Eyelashes! What else have I never noticed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\"><strong>I waited in the travelers\u2019 help center<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:16px\">I waited in the travelers\u2019 help center at Berlin\u2019s Hauptbahnhof, my ineptitude at filling out a simple online form necessitating this purgatory, this way station, this somewhere that is nowhere, neither heaven nor hell, where I\u2019ve come to absolve myself from the sin of incompetence. I didn\u2019t want to chance journeying across country borders with the wrong name on my tickets, but what\u2019s in a name? No Montague, no Capulet. Years ago, I introduced myself at parties as Fawn or Scarlet. Years ago, I negated my self. Years ago, I risked everything to become someone else. I learned the way all children do: via starts and stumbles, windmilling arms that propelled the chassis of me along its path. At least I am wise enough now to get where I want to go or, failing that, want the where I\u2019ve gotten to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I waited at the beer garden I waited at the beer garden for you to arrive, rereading Steppenwolf for the first time in 30 years, marveling that I would remember so distinctly the phrase \u201cfor madmen only\u201d after three decades. Did I fancy myself \u201cmad\u201d back then, out on my own for the first time, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":25804,"template":"","categories":[68,11],"class_list":["post-25683","stsp_text","type-stsp_text","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-34","category-lyrik"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I waited - stadtsprachen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"de_DE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale:alternate\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I waited - stadtsprachen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I waited at the beer garden I waited at the beer garden for you to arrive, rereading Steppenwolf for the first time in 30 years, marveling that I would remember so distinctly the phrase \u201cfor madmen only\u201d after three decades. Did I fancy myself \u201cmad\u201d back then, out on my own for the first time, [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/text\/i-waited\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"stadtsprachen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Stadtsprachen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-24T11:17:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@stadtsprachen\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Gesch\u00e4tzte Lesezeit\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4\u00a0Minuten\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/\",\"name\":\"I waited - stadtsprachen\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/04\\\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-04-23T12:10:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-24T11:17:13+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"de-DE\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"de-DE\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/04\\\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/04\\\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":1707},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/i-waited\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Startseite\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Texts\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/en\\\/text\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"I waited\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/\",\"name\":\"stadtsprachen\",\"description\":\"\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"de-DE\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#organization\",\"name\":\"stadtsprachen\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"de-DE\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/02\\\/cropped-logo_stadtsprachen_taubenblau.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/02\\\/cropped-logo_stadtsprachen_taubenblau.png\",\"width\":512,\"height\":512,\"caption\":\"stadtsprachen\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/stadtsprachen.de\\\/de\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.facebook.com\\\/Stadtsprachen\",\"https:\\\/\\\/x.com\\\/stadtsprachen\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.instagram.com\\\/berlinerliterarischeaktion\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/mastodon.social\\\/@BerlinerLiterarischeAktion\"]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"I waited - stadtsprachen","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/","og_locale":"de_DE","og_type":"article","og_title":"I waited - stadtsprachen","og_description":"I waited at the beer garden I waited at the beer garden for you to arrive, rereading Steppenwolf for the first time in 30 years, marveling that I would remember so distinctly the phrase \u201cfor madmen only\u201d after three decades. Did I fancy myself \u201cmad\u201d back then, out on my own for the first time, [&hellip;]","og_url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/text\/i-waited\/","og_site_name":"stadtsprachen","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Stadtsprachen","article_modified_time":"2026-04-24T11:17:13+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2560,"height":1707,"url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_site":"@stadtsprachen","twitter_misc":{"Gesch\u00e4tzte Lesezeit":"4\u00a0Minuten"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/","url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/","name":"I waited - stadtsprachen","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2026-04-23T12:10:00+00:00","dateModified":"2026-04-24T11:17:13+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"de-DE","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"de-DE","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/deniz-demir-VRujFIBHhU4-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg","width":2560,"height":1707},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/i-waited\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Startseite","item":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Texts","item":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/en\/text\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"I waited"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#website","url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/","name":"stadtsprachen","description":"","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"de-DE"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#organization","name":"stadtsprachen","url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"de-DE","@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cropped-logo_stadtsprachen_taubenblau.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cropped-logo_stadtsprachen_taubenblau.png","width":512,"height":512,"caption":"stadtsprachen"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Stadtsprachen","https:\/\/x.com\/stadtsprachen","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/berlinerliterarischeaktion\/","https:\/\/mastodon.social\/@BerlinerLiterarischeAktion"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/stsp_text\/25683","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/stsp_text"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/stsp_text"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/stsp_text\/25683\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25909,"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/stsp_text\/25683\/revisions\/25909"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25804"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stadtsprachen.de\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}