K\u0131\u015f, o y\u0131l uzad\u0131k\u00e7a uzam\u0131\u015f; bahar kendini g\u00f6steremeden, yaz gelmi\u015fti. Perdeyi aralar aralamaz i\u00e7eri s\u0131zan g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131; uzunca zaman karanl\u0131kta kal\u0131p, y\u00fcksek bir \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa maruz kalm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na g\u00f6zlerini s\u0131k\u0131ca k\u0131smas\u0131na neden oldu. G\u00f6zlerindeki fluluk ge\u00e7ince d\u0131\u015far\u0131 bakt\u0131. Pencerenin \u00f6n\u00fcne kadar uzanan i\u011fde a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n dallar\u0131, soka\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rmesine engel olsa da ku\u015f seslerini olduk\u00e7a yak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yor ve mahallenin b\u00fct\u00fcn ku\u015flar\u0131, evinin salonunda konser veriyormu\u015f hissi yarat\u0131yordu. Sesler i\u00e7eri tamamen dolu\u015fsun diye pencereyi a\u00e7t\u0131. Ku\u015f sesleri, a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 ve birka\u00e7 araba g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fc d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda sokak olduk\u00e7a sessizdi. Bir an hi\u00e7 sevmedi\u011fi bu soka\u011f\u0131 bile \u00f6zleyece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp, h\u00fcz\u00fcnlendi<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mutfa\u011fa ge\u00e7ti\u011finde, kahve i\u00e7in oca\u011fa koydu\u011fu suyun, \u00e7oktan kaynamaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 fark etti. Kahvesini haz\u0131rlay\u0131p, masaya ge\u00e7ti. \u00c7ok az zaman\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ve hen\u00fcz toparlanm\u0131\u015f say\u0131lmazd\u0131. Karar\u0131n\u0131 vermek zorundayd\u0131. Ya kal\u0131p, b\u00fct\u00fcn do\u011frular\u0131ndan vazge\u00e7ecek ya da gidecek ve yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn g\u00fczelle\u015fmesi i\u00e7in m\u00fccadele etmeye devam edecekti. Gitmeliydi, buna karar vermi\u015fti. Bug\u00fcn kesinlikle e\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131 toparlamak zorundayd\u0131. Zaten yan\u0131na \u00e7ok az \u015fey alabilecekti ve bunlar\u0131n neler olaca\u011f\u0131na bir an \u00f6nce karar vermek zorundayd\u0131. Geride kalan her \u015feyi kendisine ancak aylar sonra ula\u015ft\u0131r\u0131labilinecekti. H\u00fcz\u00fcn ve kayg\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcre\u011findeki s\u0131z\u0131ya yolda\u015fl\u0131k etti\u011fi vakitler ya\u015f\u0131yordu uzunca bir zamand\u0131r. Kahvesinin son yudumunda onlarca dakikad\u0131r \u00f6ylece oturdu\u011funun fark\u0131na vard\u0131, kahve olduk\u00e7a so\u011fumu\u015ftu \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. A\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r do\u011fruldu ve k\u0131yafet dolab\u0131na ula\u015ft\u0131. G\u00fcnlerdir odan\u0131n bir k\u00f6\u015fesinde \u00f6ylece bekleyen valizini a\u00e7\u0131p, yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fczerine b\u0131rakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Valize koyduklar\u0131n\u0131 defalarca de\u011fi\u015ftirirken, olduk\u00e7a sessiz olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. \u00c7ocuklar hen\u00fcz uyuyordu ve e\u015fya toplay\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u015fahitlik yapmalar\u0131n\u0131 istemiyordu. Bu uzun ve belirsizliklerle dolu yolculu\u011fa onlars\u0131z \u00e7\u0131kacak olman\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yeniden \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc \u00fczerine ve yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fczerine \u00f6ylece \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. A\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 eliyle kapatarak a\u011flarken, g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesindeki a\u011fr\u0131 her saniye daha fazla belirginle\u015fti. Yata\u011f\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki aynadaki yans\u0131mas\u0131yla g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze gelince, kendini bir korku t\u00fcnelinde g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f \u015fekilde \u00fcrkerek yerinden f\u0131rlad\u0131. Daha birka\u00e7 hafta \u00f6ncesine kadar, kestane rengiyle a\u011fa\u00e7 tohumlar\u0131n\u0131 and\u0131ran sa\u00e7lar\u0131na dolu\u015fan beyazl\u0131klar\u0131 ilk kez g\u00f6r\u00fcyor olmu\u015f olman\u0131n \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla, aynaya sokulabildi\u011fi kadar sokuldu. Ayn\u0131 anda da g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 silmeye ve a\u011flamayla birlikte y\u00fckselen nefesinin ritmini normale \u00e7ekmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131ndaki tokay\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rken bir yandan da elleriyle sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 tar\u0131yordu. Her zaman oldu\u011fu gibi yine bir tutam sa\u00e7 dolu\u015ftu ellerine. O s\u0131rada arkas\u0131ndan gelen sesle donup kald\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNe yani, art\u0131k d\u00f6k\u00fclen sa\u00e7lar\u0131n olmayacak m\u0131 evin i\u00e7inde? Yast\u0131\u011f\u0131mda sa\u00e7 tellerini bulup, \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 basmayacak m\u0131y\u0131m?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saniyelerce donakalm\u0131\u015f ve bu soru kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ne diyece\u011fini bilememi\u015fti. Y\u00fcz\u00fcne yapay ve h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme kondurarak;<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSa\u00e7lar\u0131m d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyor diye s\u00f6ylenmeyeceksin i\u015fte, bu y\u00f6nden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn. Hem sa\u00e7lar\u0131ma bula\u015fan sigara kokusu da bula\u015fmayacak yast\u0131\u011f\u0131na. Bu iyi bir \u015fey.\u201d Dedi, kursa\u011f\u0131na tak\u0131lan kesik s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKe\u015fke sa\u00e7lar\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcme d\u00f6k\u00fclse anne!\u201d diyen \u00e7ocuk, bir anda kad\u0131n\u0131n boynuna atlad\u0131 ve h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sokaktan gelen ku\u015f sesleri bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f ve \u00e7ocu\u011fun sesine kar\u0131\u015farak, kad\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcre\u011finin h\u00fccrelerine iniyordu. \u00c7ocuk \u00f6yle sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki bu sar\u0131lmay\u0131 bir tek, annesinin bedeninde oldu\u011fu anlara d\u00f6nme iste\u011fi a\u00e7\u0131klayabilirdi. Onsuz kalma korkusunun olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlarda olma iste\u011finin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir izah\u0131 yoktu bu ac\u0131tan sar\u0131lman\u0131n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00c7ocuk a\u011flad\u0131, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131ndaki kekemelik kad\u0131n\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131na dolu\u015ftu. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleyemiyordu kad\u0131n. S\u00f6ylenecek her \u015fey \u00e7ocu\u011fun g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda aciz kalacakt\u0131, biliyordu. Sadece \u00e7ocu\u011fun sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131, incitmekten korkan bir naiflikle. \u00c7ocu\u011fun g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla vurulan dakikalar ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Bir an birka\u00e7 santim geriledi, annesinin y\u00fcz\u00fcnde as\u0131l\u0131 kalan ac\u0131y\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce, elleriyle y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc silmeye \u00e7abalad\u0131, bir yandan da konu\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131;<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim anne. Sadece bir an bo\u015f bulundum. Gitmen gerekti\u011fini ve bu ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n ge\u00e7ici olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyorum. L\u00fctfen \u00fcz\u00fclme.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00c7ocu\u011fun s\u00f6zleri kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, kad\u0131n\u0131n duyumsad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ac\u0131 katland\u0131. \u00d6z\u00fcr dilemesi gereken kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ku\u015f gibi \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nan o minicik y\u00fcrek de\u011fil kendisiydi. Bunu bilmek, kad\u0131n\u0131n can\u0131n\u0131 daha \u00e7ok yak\u0131yordu. \u015ea\u015fk\u0131nd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnnem, sak\u0131n bir daha \u00f6z\u00fcr dileme. Ben \u00f6z\u00fcr dilerim, size bunu ya\u015fatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in. Evet hepimiz i\u00e7in zor olacak ama s\u00f6z veriyorum \u00e7ok uzamayacak. Yast\u0131\u011f\u0131na sinen sigara kokusu y\u00fcz\u00fcnden yeniden ba\u011f\u0131racaks\u0131n bana. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131m d\u00f6k\u00fclecek yata\u011f\u0131na. S\u00f6z veriyorum.\u201d Derken, odaya bir ba\u015fka a\u011flamakl\u0131 ses dolu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSen neden \u00f6z\u00fcr diliyorsun ki anne? \u00d6z\u00fcr dilenecek bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131n ki sen! Evet gideceksin, gitmek zorundas\u0131n ama biz \u00e7ok yak\u0131nda yan\u0131nda olaca\u011f\u0131z. L\u00fctfen \u00fcz\u00fclme, biz g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olaca\u011f\u0131z.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
S\u00f6zleri bitince annesine ve karde\u015fine yakla\u015ft\u0131 \u00e7ocuk. Bu kez \u00fc\u00e7\u00fc birlikte sar\u0131ld\u0131lar. Ku\u015flar hala \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k at\u0131yorlard\u0131. Valizin en \u00fcst\u00fcndeki \u00e7i\u00e7ekli elbise onlara h\u00fcz\u00fcnle bak\u0131yor, kad\u0131n\u0131n avucundaki sa\u00e7 telleri, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn\u00fcn birle\u015fen nefesinde sal\u0131n\u0131yordu\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda ezilen topra\u011f\u0131n \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n h\u00fczn\u00fcn\u00fc, papatyalar\u0131n yas\u0131n\u0131, g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn kekremsi mavisini, da\u011flar\u0131n \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, nehirlerin g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmeyenlerle dolu bu yaral\u0131 zaman\u0131 terk etme arzusudur belki de bo\u015f bir bavulla kurdu\u011fum dostluk. Bavullar diyorum i\u00e7ine ne koyduysak ona g\u00f6re belirler rotay\u0131. Yoldu oysa m\u00fchim olan bavullar\u0131n refakatinde rengini belli eden\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
K\u0131\u015f, o y\u0131l uzad\u0131k\u00e7a uzam\u0131\u015f; bahar kendini g\u00f6steremeden, yaz gelmi\u015fti. Perdeyi aralar aralamaz i\u00e7eri s\u0131zan g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131; uzunca zaman karanl\u0131kta kal\u0131p, y\u00fcksek bir \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa maruz kalm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na g\u00f6zlerini s\u0131k\u0131ca k\u0131smas\u0131na neden oldu. G\u00f6zlerindeki fluluk ge\u00e7ince d\u0131\u015far\u0131 bakt\u0131. Pencerenin \u00f6n\u00fcne kadar uzanan i\u011fde a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n dallar\u0131, soka\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rmesine engel olsa da ku\u015f seslerini olduk\u00e7a yak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yor ve mahallenin b\u00fct\u00fcn […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":24011,"template":"","categories":[63,10],"class_list":["post-24227","stsp_text","type-stsp_text","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-32","category-prosa"],"yoast_head":"\n